fear in redFear is paralyzing.

Fear is painful.

Fear can cause illness.

Fear. Is. Necessary.

It was a Monday and I had pain on the right side of my stomach, a little towards the back. I didn’t think much of it and the next day the pain was gone. On Wednesday, the pain returned and the intensity gradually increased all day. As I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t lay on my right side and if I laid on my left side, I couldn’t even rest my arm on my right side. The pain was too intense so I slept through the night on my back. Because I am not a fan of doctors, I said to myself, ‘if this pain doesn’t go away by Friday, I will go to urgent care.”

Thursday morning came and the pain was still there but now I FELT bad. Before it was just the pain, like any other pain, but overall, I still felt well. This feeling was different. There was an overall bad feeling throughout my body.

There was truly something going on with me and I needed to figure it out. I looked the symptoms up online and found appendicitis, gallstones and irritable bowel syndrome as possible diagnoses. I zeroed in on appendicitis because my ex-husband had emergency surgery in 2017 and was told had he not gone to the hospital when he did, there was a great chance that he would not have been alive 24 hours later.

This couldn’t be appendicitis. Could it?

I napped on and off on Thursday, walked around grimacing and wondering what was going on with my body. I never get sick. I was unable to be productive. The pain was too great. The miserable feeling was consuming me. My mind was playing tricks on me.

Or should I say FEAR was playing tricks on me.

As I lay in the bed Thursday night, a moment of clarity came over me. The origin of the pain wasn’t internal. There was something going on in my external world that was manifesting as pain internally. But what could it be?

I texted a longtime friend and described to him what was happening with my body. His text was simple and straight to the point…

“There is a weakness in your right kidney due to fear and lack of willpower to step out on faith and run your own business doing whatever it is you love.”

BULLSEYE.

The moment I finished reading the text, the overall bad feeling I had been experiencing all day, instantly vanished. The pain in my side started to dissipate and was totally gone by morning and has not returned.

FEAR was the root cause. Fear started a war with me and was defeating me – one painful moment at a time.

Here is what that longtime friend didn’t know:

  • He didn’t now that I had re-launched the Amazing Woman Network.
  • He didn’t know that I had been having calls with women who want to help push this entire movement forward.
  • He didn’t know that women were excited about it and being drawn to it.
  • He didn’t know that I was thinking about the sheer magnitude of my assignment from God – the way God gave it to me.
  • He didn’t know that the assignment scared the hell out of me.

fear on stoneFear is paralyzing.

Fear is painful.

Fear can cause illness.

Fear. Is. Necessary.

The fear caused such great pain paralyzing me all week, prohibiting any movement in my assignment.

Had I not addressed the root cause of the pain – fear – those possible diagnoses may have become a reality only to be fed prescription medicine to “heal” me, never realizing the cause was fear, never defeating fear and never pushing through on my assignment.

The fear was necessary. Once I understood that fear was attempting to defeat me, I was able to be the victor. I was able to laugh (or at least giggle) in the face of fear and thank it for showing me just how great and necessary this movement – this assignment from God – really is. If it weren’t great and necessary, there would be no attacks of fear trying to stop me. If it weren’t great and necessary, the road would be easy.

2 meaning so fearPlease understand, although there is no longer the pain and bad feeling, FEAR is still attacking me. I am able to recognize it quicker and therefore overcome it faster but it still shows up. There are moments when I want to Forget Everything And Run but instead, I continue to Face Everything And Rise and replace FEAR with FAITH and come out the victor.

It is the FAITH that allows me to complete one task at a time, to keep pushing forward, to just do the work knowing that if God gave me the assignment, I can do it. Failure will only come if I let FEAR win.

Whatever your assignment, FEAR will come for you but just because it comes, and continues to come, doesn’t mean it will be the victor. Recognize it for what it is, go within for answers and strength and step further out on FAITH and Face Everything And Rise. After all, everything you ever wanted is on the other side of FEAR!

If I can do it, surely you can!

My Year of No Fear!

Crystal

fear is a liar